


In the shadows of memories

by gryjoy



Category: Uncharted (Video Games)
Genre: Crying, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pre and Post Canon, Touch-Starved, but only like for one paragraph, elena divorced nate au, im sorry lol, people that know me, slight body worship, slight stalking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:48:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26240635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gryjoy/pseuds/gryjoy
Summary: Sam watched Nate from afar. He sometimes wondered if his brother missed him. He didn't seem to. Nate wore his best smile and best sweater with a pretty blonde on his arm as they walk through the park. He had moved on.
Relationships: Nathan Drake/Samuel Drake
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	In the shadows of memories

**Author's Note:**

> i just want them to be happy ,,, leave me alone im sorry
> 
> i always read fics where nathan is longing after sam so i present sam longing after natham
> 
> i originally made a new acc just to post it but i said fuck it , post it on main
> 
> im posting this along side a rafe x sam fic just to distract from this
> 
> quick thing about memories ,, the ones where nathan is a kid arent meant to be romantic but you can read them like that if you want

Sam watched Nate from afar. He sometimes wondered if his brother missed him. He didn't seem to. Nate wore his best smile and best sweater with a pretty blonde on his arm as they walk through the park. He had moved on.

Sam couldn't blame him. Nate thought he was dead. Maybe he is.

Sam placed a cigarette between his lips before bringing his worn lighter to his mouth and lighting his vice. He capped the lighter and shoved it in his pocket before taking a sharp breath of his cigarette.

Sam wondered if he should stay away from his brother and not bother his life. But the selfish part of him wants to see him again. Face to face. Feel his brother in his arms again. Even after fifteen years Nathan still looked good and Sam could still feel the press of lips to the corner of his mouth before they got caught and had to run. Before Sam got shot and could hear Nathan's cries as he fell into the ally. Just like it was yesterday.

Sam shivered at the pleasant and unpleasant thoughts before moving more into the shadows as Nathan and the girl turned to sit on a bench, Nate wrapped an arm around her shoulder and kissed her temple, just like Sam used to do to him when they were younger.

Sam's fingers itched to intertwine with Nate's but he couldn't. Instead, he removed his cigarette letting out a breath of smoke barely illuminated by the street light behind him.

Sam could see the moon high above Nate's head making him look like a king. Sam's King.

Nathan let out a laugh at something the girl said and kissed her before saying something back. Sam missed Nate's laugh. The sweet sound of happiness that brought the older brother joy ever since they were younger.

Sam wished he could have done more research on Nathan and his life, specifically on who the girl was. His top priority was finding his brother, which with one simple google search was easily found.

What if he revealed himself right then? Would Nate hug him, tell him he missed him, hell, maybe even finish the kiss they only ever started fifteen years ago? Or would he be pissed? Throw a hit Sam's way? Tell him he's an asshole and that he should have stayed out of his life? Christ, what would Sam do if that happened?

Sam took a drag of his cigarette and continued to watch his brother.

_"I got it, I got it," Nathan said struggling with the lighter Sam had handed him. Nate had just turned sixteen and Sam had bought him a leather-bound sketchbook which the younger Drake brother loved but Sam also gifted him a single cigarette which he had originally told Nate he wasn't allowed to touch._

_Nate smiled at the small fire before bringing it to the cigarette and burning the tip, "inhale but don't force it," Sam explained with a smile when Nate nodded. God, he was a bad brother, wasn't he? He could legally drink and here he was supervising his brothers first smoke._

_Nathan inhaled and nodded trying not to cough but couldn't help himself at the smoke that intruded his lungs. Nathan's eyes watered at his hacking, "you're okay, you're okay," Sam's voice was soft as he rubbed his brothers back. Nathan's eyes and face were red but there was a smile on his face._

_Sam's heart warmed at the sight of his brothers successful birthday and at the discarded cigarette still burning on the ground._

Sam sighed and missed the simple times of breaking Nate out of the orphanage and running his thumb over the purple abused skin under Nathan's eye the first time he got into a fight.

He hadn't realized he was crying until he went to scratch his cheek and was met by a wet face. Sam wiped his eyes with his hand, "Christ," he said under his breath. Sam dropped the burning stick and rubbed it out with his foot on the wet grass. He sent one last glance towards Nathan who had a love-filled grin on his face as he watched the blonde girl explain something with frantic hands before walking into the dully lit street knowing his brother belonged to someone else.

_Nate had just turned twenty-one and Sam decided to take him out for an official drink. He and Nathan had gotten drunk before when he was younger too, but Sam wanted to treat him for an official drink._

_Sam felt some power at the gross looks he got from some of the buff men in the bar when Sam's hand was on Nathan's lower back leading him to the best spot which was a booth overlooking everyone. In bars or even in public, they weren't brothers. To everyone else, they were just two friend's grabbing a drink. Or to everyone when Sam would put his hand on Nate's lower back or on the underside of his bicep to lead him, they looked like lovers. Which gave him power knowing to everyone else they could be anything._

_Sam and Nate slid into the booth sitting across from each other, "what do you want?" Sam asked with a smile that Nate mirrored._

_"Uh," Nathan was thinking, "something fruity?"_

_Sam smiled wider before sliding out of the booth, "coming right."_

_Sam approached the bar and ordered something advertised with pineapple and mango with an exotic name he struggled to pronounce. He ordered a beer for himself before leaning against the bar and looking at Nate who sat in the booth looking down at his hands._

_Sam smiled slightly at how cute and young his brother looked. His hair was slightly Messy and he wore a sweater that was rolled to mid-arm._

_Before Sam could finish his thought he felt a nudge on his arm and turns to one of the bartenders handing him the fruity drink along with a beer that had a golden stamp on the bottle. Sam handed him cash before taking the drinks and bringing them back to Nate who smiled up at him._

_Sam placed the drink in front of Nathan and himself as he slid back into the booth. Nathan looked over the colorful drink in wonder as he picked up the orange slice that sat on top of the ice and ate the meat before putting it down on a napkin._

_Sam took a swing of his drink not taking his eyes off his brother's face as he took a testing sip of the drink. Nathan's eyes rolled to the back of his head as he took a bigger sip._

_Sam felt his insides flip at the sight of Nate happily smiling with sugar red-stained teeth. The drink was filled with alcohol and sugar which worried San but the look on Nate's face erased those worries._

_He loves Nathan so much it hurt. Maybe a little too much._

Sam watched his brother drink his fourth beer that night. Nathan was never much of a drinker, maybe two beers but Sam had never seen him drink more than that.

Nathan sighed and dropped his head down slightly with his arms leaning against the bar.

"It's not that bad, Nate," Sam tried to argue taking a sip of his beer, "its-"

"Sam stop, please,“ Nathan interrupted peering at Sam, "let's just get drunk like we used to."

Sam wanted to shake his head and take Nathan back to his hotel to sleep off the beers and be the big brother he should be but he caved. Like he always did.

"Alright, little brother," Sam said softly raising his glass slightly.

Sam felt uneasy at the man who stared at them throughout the night. He was easily ignored by Sam but he still could feel eyes on his back.

Nathan took a sip of his beer staring off into space.

"Where are you?" Sam asked leaning towards Nate slightly.

"Maybe if I had told her I loved her more? If I had reassured her I was sorry," was all Nathan said and Sam's face softened and he rubbed his brothers back.

"Hey, hey, don't think like that man," Sam said pulling Nathan to his side and pressing his lips to Nate's temple, "everything will be okay."

Sam slowly inhaled Nathan's smell of floral shampoo and subtle aftershave that were a nice mix. But also a smell that was Nate's signature smell. A smell that made Sam dizzy.

Sam closed his eyes as he felt Nathan wrap his arms around the older brother's middle. Sam adjusted so his chin sat on Nate's head and rubbed circles into his back.

Sam could feel more eyes on them but he didn't care. Nathan needed him. Needed his support. So he will give him all the love in the world.

_Nathan smiled at Sam who nodded, "alright, alright," Sam laughed out sitting next to Nathan on the balcony. Their legs dangled off the edge._

_Nate was only twenty-two and it seemed every birthday was Sam and Nate hanging out._

_Sam pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and hesitated, "I, ah, I know you said no gifts since we're on a job but," Sam sighed before continuing, "I know I'm not as good as you but here," he handed the paper to Nathan who eyed the folded piece before opening it._

_It was a drawing of teenage Nate and Sam riding an elephant. Something they both always wanted to do. Sam's neat handwriting wrote ’best brother I could ask for' on the bottom corner._

_"Sam I," Nathan's words trailed as he looked at the paper._

_"I've been practicing to draw like you, I'll never be at your level or anything but I just thought-" Sam's words are cut off by Nathan's fingers intertwining with his._

_"Thank you," Nate said, they made eye contact and the look in his little brother's eyes made his heart swell. Full of love and adoration._

_Sam broke the eye contact not trusting himself to hold back from his feelings he knows are wrong. Feelings he knows Nate would stop talking to him for. Hate him for._

_"You're welcome."_

Nathan was now on his fifth beer and Sam was starting to worry. Maybe he should cut off?

"You know," Nathan started, Sam could hear his voice slurring slightly but not enough to be notable by someone who didn't know him, "despite you not being in my life for fifteen years, you're my favorite person."

Sam tried to hide the twitch of a smile threatening to form, "you too, Nate," Sam said nodding his head, Sam had stopped drinking his drink knowing that if they were both drunk they'd never get back to the hotel.

Nathan tried to talk a sip of his beer but frowned when he found it-empty, he raised his hand to the bartender indicating another but Sam pushed his hand down before the worker could see.

"Sorry, Nate, no more," Sam said, whatever his brother was drinking had way more alcohol than the beer Sam was drinking.

Nathan turned to him and pouted, "one more?" Sam laughed slightly at the childish charm Nathan had.

"Nope," Sam said shaking his head.

Nathan ducked a hand into his back pocket and handed it to Sam, "I don't feel sane enough to not call so take it, for tonight," he explained.

Sam took the device and placed it in his jacket pocket and brought his hand to Nathan's lower back rubbing circles, "okay, brother."

_Nathan always had a prettiness to him that Sam had never seen on a woman. Even growing up no woman was as pretty as Nate._

_Nathan always had a novice look to him, like he needed to be taught how to do things. But he was always smarter than everyone, even Sam._

_Nathan wore a black suit that made him look like his mom forced him to wear it. But damn, he looked good._

_Sam resisted the urge to put a hand on Nathan's cheek and let his thumb rub over his soft skin. Even at twenty-seven Sam still had these thoughts._

_They were investigating some fancy rich dude and had to sneak in with the guests. Nathan's hand was tucked in the crook of Sam's bent arm as they walked. Pretending to be husbands._

_Sam could feel the cold of Nathan's fake wedding band seeping through his suit coat which made him smile slightly._

_Sam looked down at his brother who looked slightly worried and enamored by all the shiny jewelry. His hand tightened on Sam's arm keeping himself steady. Sam put his hand over Nate's and smiled when his brother looked up at him._

_"You okay?" Sam questioned, God, Nathan looked so pretty._

_"Yeah, just thinking how glad I am we didn't turn out like these people," his voice was soft and low, making sure no one but Sam heard him._

_Sam's heart skipped a beat at Nathan's wide eyes. He resisted the urge to ruffle Nate's hair and instead let his lips brush over Nathan's forehead._

_A couple approached them to talk business and when they did Sam moved his arm so it was around Nathan's waist letting everyone know Nate was his._

Sam got Nathan into the taxi and followed behind pushing his brother farther into the seat.

Sam gave the driver the hotel address and turned his attention to Nathan who was leaning against him. Sam lifted his arm and pulled Nathan closer.

"I love you, Nate," Sam said when his brother leaned his head on his shoulder pushing closer.

"I love you too," Nate said softly closing his eyes. Sam put his head on Nathan's enjoying the soft hair on his cheek.

The drive to the hotel was a straight shot besides them stopping at a light twice. Nathan had moved closer so Sam's arm was fully wrapped around him holding him close. Sam could tell his brother wanted to cry, fall apart in his arms, but he didn't, he just closed his eyes waiting for the world to swallow him whole in Sam's arms.

The driver stopped outside the large hotel and Sam gave the man a small thanks as he paid and pulled Nathan out of the car.

The cab drove away leaving small and Nate alone.

"Come on," Sam said putting his hand on his brother's back leading him towards the building.

Sam thanked the man who held the door open for them as Sam helped Nate to the elevator. He stepped inside with his brother and watched the metallic doors shut. Nathan leaned against him even more, closing his eyes and inhaling Sam's scent of cologne and smoke.

They stayed like that until they stopped on the third floor. The doors opened and Sam led Nathan by his hand to their shared room. Nathan felt like a kid relying on his older brother to lead him places.

Sam swiped the card and opened the door turning the door card to 'do not disturb' as he pulled Nathan inside. He closed and locked the door feeling Nathan's fingers leave his as he flopped onto one of the beds.

Sam shredded his jacket and set it on the chair near the wall before untying his shoes and toeing them off, leaving on his socks.

Sam stood and approached his brother who laid on his side staring at the dull wall.

"Move," Sam said tapping his brothers covered foot. Nathan moved his foot and allowed Sam to take his shoes off one at a time.

Nathan rolled onto his back and Sam moved so he was sitting on his own bed looking at Nate.

"You think she ever loved me?" Nathan asked turning his head to look at Sam.

There was no light in the room except for the moon that casted shadows on Nathan's features.

"Of course she did, Nate," Sam explained, he stood and sat on the edge of Nathan's bed taking his brother's hand. From that angle he couldn't see Nathan's face, "you'll be okay."

Sam could head Nathan sniff, "Christ," the younger brother said under his breath squeezing Sam's hand.

"What do you want me to do?" Sam asked, he was referring to the bottled water in the fridge or to if Nathan wanted to be alone.

Nathan didn't answer. Sam turned his head to see Nathan deep in thought.

Nathan sat up keeping his hand in Sam's, enjoying the feeling of his brother's thumb brushing over his fingers.

Nathan pressed a kiss to the corner of Sam's mouth like they did fifteen years ago. Sam turned his head to capture Nate's lips before the younger brother could pull away.

Sam let go of Nathan's hand and moved it to the younger's jaw letting his fingers brush over his cheek. Nathan's hands moved to Sam's arms pulling him closer.

Nathan tasted like beer and hints of honey when the deepened the kiss. Sam moved Nate further up the bed and maneuvered his way between his brother's legs, "are you sure this is what you want? Maybe we should wait for when you're sobe-"

"Sam, I want you," Nathan cut off his brother's concerned rambles, "please, Sam," Nathan's hands went to Sam's shirt, gripping the fabric slightly.

Sam bit his lip and contemplated for a moment, "fuck," he whispered, he leaned down and captured Nathan's lips biting the bottom slightly earning him a moan.

Nathan's hands went to the sides of Sam's neck, thumb brushing over the birds on his neck. Sam's hands found their way to the hem of Nathan's shirt and pulled it up enjoying the friction of Nate arching his back for better access.

Sam paused and stared at Nathan's scarred chest. Knicks of knives and bullet wounds Sam had only heard in stories.

"You okay?" Nathan asked, his words slurred slightly.

Sam nodded letting his fingers dance over the scar tissue on his brother's abdomen, "I am," Sam leaned now and placed his lips on Nathan's cheek before pulling away and holding his brother's hips. He rubbed circles into the skin with his thumbs as he thought. He could stop this. Talk about it when Nathan is sober enough to reject him. But the look on Nathan's face, his eyes closing and soft sighs at just Sam's thumbs made the older brother wonder what other noises he could make Nathan voice.

_Nathan was only eighteen, maybe a little too young, but Sam loved his brother's embarrassed face and flushed cheeks at the half-naked women, he was still very much a boy._

_"Dude," Nathan said closing his eyes slightly, not sure if he's allowed to looks at the tanned woman stripping off the top that already was too thin, "why couldn't we have just gone to an arcade?"_

_"Because, Nate," Sam leaned toward his brother with a grin, "you're eighteen! I didn't get to come here when I was eighteen!"_

_Nathan groaned and covers his face with his hand slightly letting his eyes fall on a very pale woman with dark dyed hair that looked way too young to be doing this._

_Nathan looked at his brother when he heard a whistle and saw him waving over one of the strippers. Oh no._

_Oh god._

_"Today is my good friend here's birthday," Sam said waving a hand in Nathan's direction, "how much for a lap dance?"_

_Nathan's eyes widened, "oh, Sam, you don't have to-"_

_"Nonsense, darling," the woman said with a smile, she had umber skin and Stark white hair, in contrast, her body and thin lingerie shimmered with glitter, "free lap dance for the pretty birthday boy," she said with a wink approaching Nathan._

_Sam laughed as she lowered herself onto his brother's lap, this was a sight._

_She wiggled her hips as she sat fully in his lap before wrapping delicate hands around Nathan's neck._

_She grinded down on his lap before standing and using her body provocatively like she was trained. Sam could see Nathan's hands on the chair armrests, white-knuckling._

_Sam couldn't tell if it was because Nathan had a hard-on and was trying to hide it or if he was not enjoying it._

_The girl arched her back and stuck her ass in Nathan's face as he pulled her straps down slightly teasing._

_Sam couldn't take his eyes off Nathan's face. His face was bright red along with his ears and down his neck. Watching him was enough entertainment._

_The girl spun and twipped back her white hair as she straddled Nathan, she moved her hips along with the song playing overhead, "here, birthday boy," she said taking Nathan's clenched hands and putting one on her thigh while placing the other on her hip._

_Nathan looked down at where his hands were and he looked so distant Sam couldn't help but laugh._

_She grinded down on Nathan before pulling away and doing more provocative moves, flashing Nathan with her large fake breasts at the end._

_Sam laughed and gave small claps as she walked away with a sway of her hips, "first lap dance aye buddy?"_

_Sam turned to Nathan who was deep in the chair with a hand over his burning face. Sam wanted to see him._

_"Nate?" Sam questioned flicking his brother's shoulder._

_Nathan looked at him, face red and embarrassment filling his features._

_Sam wanted to eat him up and feel that expression under his fingertips._

Nathan tugged on Sam's shirt in a silent plea for him to remove it. The older brother complied and pulled back a moment to peel the thin band shirt from his body and throw it onto the ground. Nathan's hands went to Sam's chest, fingers threading through the thin hair. His hands wandered down to Sam's abdomen where his fingers stopped and touched the scars.

Nathan's fingers dipped slightly into the scar tissue feeling the past pain. Sam watched his movements, unsure whether stopping him would be best.

"I'm so sorry, Sam," Nathan said softly, his hands went to Sam's face where he pulled him in for a tender kiss, "I'm so sorry."

Sam's hands softly ran over Nathan's arms in reassurance, "it's okay, it's okay," he said, burying his face in Nathan's neck, applying soft kisses into the skin, "we're okay, we're okay," he emphasized trailing kisses up Nathan's jaw.

He pulled back and could see Nate crying, his hand went to quickly wipe his face, embarrassed to show this much emotion. Sam replaced Nathan's hand with his own, thumbs softly brushing over his cheeks.

Sam leaned down and gave Nathan a soft kiss and slowly deepened it trying to show Nate how okay they were. And how loved he was.

Nathan's hands tapped at Sam's jeans and the older brother nodded undoing his belt not pulling away from the kiss wanting to taste all of Nate.

He pulled his belt away and let it fall to the ground before undoing Nathan's pants. Sam pulled away from the kiss and left open mouth kisses down Nathan's jaw and exposed shoulder.

"Can I....." Sam's words trailed off but Nathan knew what he was going to ask.

"Yeah," Nathan said running fingers through Sam's hair.

Sam's mouth latched onto the exposed skin leaving a mark. He pulled away and kissed the reddening skin before going farther down Nathan's body.

He let his lips drag over the scars, letting his tongue peek out as he did so feeling the scar tissue.

Nathan let out some muffled gasps and moans at the simple touch.

Sam liked the feeling of jagged skin under his lips. Especially the sounds Nathan let out along with it.

Sam pulled Nate's pants down at an agonizing pace and left wet kisses on the boxers that held his hard length. Sam was rewarded by Nathan arching his back under his mouth. When was the last time he had been touched like this?

Sam dropped Nathan's pants on the side of the bed and left wet kisses up Nate's abdomen enjoying the soft gasps and fingers in his hair.

Sam left an open mouth kiss on Nathan's hip before he slowly pulled down his boxers.

_Unlike Nathan, Sam got the highschool experience. Even if it was bad._

_Nathan never got to ask a pretty girl to the school dance. Just last week the were different people. They were Sam and Nate Morgan. Now they were Drake's._

_Sam got the documents to register as Nate graduating highschool. Just so he could have a future._

_Sam left Nathan in their hotel room. Maybe alone wasn't the best idea but it was the only idea he thought of. They were supposed to do a job three days from then but Sam wanted to give Nathan a nice night. A night where he would be able to dance._

_Sam's hands held roses and a blanket, he could get much with the money on hand but he hoped it was enough. He still had one of his cassette players and a mix that a girl made him before he dropped out. She was pretty._

_Sam figured to most people he looked like a boy buying gifts for his girlfriend, he wondered what they'd think he they found out it was actually for his baby brother._

_Sam approached the stand and was greeted by a woman with jet black curly hair and a pretty smile._

_"Ooh, someone's a popular guy," she joked leaning on the glass, she looked to be at least a year older than him._

_"Seems so," Sam said with a smile giving the flowers a shake, "so how much for one of these?" he pointed a finger at the glass that protected what looked like a cheesecake with strawberries and caramel, not enough for him and Nate to share but the happy smile he'll get is all he needs._

_"Hmm," she thought, it was obvious by the look on her face and the way she leaned closer she wasn't actually thinking, "with my number id say, hm, I don't know twenty?" The original price was fifteen so of course, Sam nodded._

_"Maybe I am a popular guy after all," Sam responded placing the flowers a blanket on the small table with condiments, "got a pen?" he asked picking up a napkin._

_She pulled out a pen from her apron slowly trying to draw Sam's attention to her breasts, "Hannah," she said introducing herself as dhe took the napkin._

_He gave her his best smile, the smile his girlfriend would blush at, it was a success, "Sam," he responded as he watched her write some numbers. Normally when he asks for a number and he ends up giving his. Sam liked her already._

_Hannah pushed away from the glass and bent down to grab a container shaking her ass slightly, Sam could help but watch. She stood and walked over to the case and opened it placing the slice of cake into the container before placing it on the counter with the napkin on top._

_Sam fished out his wallet and handed her a twenty before retrieving the flowers and blanket placing the cake on top, "see you around, gorgeous."_

_"You too, playboy," Hannah responded, Sam could feel her eyes on him as he walked away and turned the corner._

_Sam made sure not to drop the napkin as he approached the hotel, he might get a hook up out of this trip. God knows he needed to blow off some steam._

_He slowed his pace and thanked the woman who held the door for him and thanked the man who held the elevator door open for him as well._

_"Uh, five," he said and he watched the suited man's thin finger press in five. They stood in silence and when it dinged for five Sam jumped slightly._

_He walked out, "good day," he said to the man awkwardly before walking down the Shining like hallway. He stopped at their room and clicked it open letting it fall shut behind him._

_The room was dark besides the glow of the TV. He walked in and threw all the stuff onto his bed except the cheesecake which he put in the mini-fridge next to the food he had gotten earlier in the week._

_Sam stood and flopped onto Nathan's bed next to his brother who sat with a soda in hand. He considered making fun of him saying he's too old for cartoons but instead decides against it, "oh man I love this episode," it was an older episode of Scooby-Doo that Sam remembers watching when he was younger._

_"there are reruns playing," Nathan said eyes not leaving the screen, he deserved a break._

_Sam looked over at him and didn't realize Nathan was wearing one of his three-quarter shirts, it was big on him and it made Sam's heart squeeze at the sight._

_Nathan looked at Sam’s bed and raised an eyebrow at his older brother, "so... Who'd you bang?" Jesus! Sam was not expecting that!_

_"Wh-What?" Nate's words caught Sam off guard, "that's not for some girl I banged," Sam couldn't help but laugh. He got off the bed and took the blanket off his bed and placed in on the ground, careful not to get in the way of Nathan's cartoons. But he was more interested in what Sam was doing._

_Sam got up and grabbed the flowers placing them on the ground before grabbing the cake from the mini-fridge. Sam paused and went for his bag, pushing around some supplies and drawing Nathan had done._

_He retrieved his cassette player unplugging the earbuds and placing that at the corner of the blanket._

_"Sam?" Nathan questioned when his brother stood counting the objects._

_"Nate, Nate, come here," Sam said watching as his brother hopped off the bed. He wore baggy pajama pants and one of Sam's shirts which made him look like he just woke up with his messy hair._

_Nathan approached his brother who leaned down and clicked play on the cassette, a song, Sam believed was by the Beatles since the girl who gave him it was a huge fan, played, and Sam puts his hand out to his brother._

_"You'll never have a high school dance so, will you dan- I mean, can I have this dance?" Nathan chuckled as Sam's words._

_"This is dumb," Nate said but he still put his hand in Sam's and allowed himself to be pulled into an overdramatic sway and dance making him erupt in giggles._

_Sam spun Nathan and twirled him enjoying the sweet sound of his laughter. Sam hadn't heard Nate genuinely laugh in a week, the sound warmed his heart._

_Once the song stopped and another song, which Sam recognized, started playing both of them were dizzy, the TV continued to play, the Scooby gang long forgotten. Sorry!_

_Sam and Nate sat 'criss-cross apple sauce' as Nate called it with their knees touching. Sam watched his brother take his first bite of the cake, his face was instantly bright._

_Sam noticed the bruise on Nate's cheek and under his eye was finally fading. Good._

_Nathan pointed the end of his fork at Sam offering a bite, Sam originally was going to say no but the pleading look to take a bite made him laugh and take it. Sam took a small bite with one of the strawberries and placed it in his mouth. Christ, that was the good shit._

_Sam handed the fork back to his brother and watched as Nate happily ate the cake, smelling one of the roses on the blanket next to him._

_Sam smiled at his brother. Maybe he didn't need a hookup._

Sam watched as Nathan's cock sprang free and before even removing his boxers he gave a long lick to the underside enjoying the buck of hips.

Sam striped Nathan of his boxers leaving him completely naked and open. He leaned back and looked at the sight. Nathan's hand over his mouth and the one originally in Sam's hair clutched the comforter under him, bright pink cock hard against his stomach begging to be touched. Red marks where Sam had sucked and let his teeth graze littered Nathan's skin along with the pale freckles Sam wanted to count.

"Sam," Nathan gasped out when his brother's hand traveled to the inside of his thigh, callused fingers teasing at the sensitive skin.

The sight of it all pained Sam's cock as it strained in his jeans. But this was about Nathan, not him.

Sam lowered himself so his face was between Nathan's legs. He nipped at the inside of his thighs and left open mouth kissed leading to Nathan's member.

Sam brought his hand up to Nathan's cock and took it by the base leading it into his mouth. Sam kissed the tip and tongued at the slit hearing Nathan's breathless moans, both hands tangling in Sam's hair, not pushing his head, just needing something for support.

Sam took the tip into his mouth slowly taking more of the younger man into his mouth slowly. He lifted off before going to the side and letting his tongue trail up Nathan's shaft.

"Oh shit, oh fuuuck," Nathan's moaned out when Sam grazed his teeth slightly.

Sam took all of Nate in his mouth making sure not to gag. His gag reflex was worn out, not as present, from the old days when he would whore himself out to married men just so he and Nate could eat. Luckily that only lasted about a month, both him and Nathan got good at stealing. But Nathan didn't need to know about him being paid to suck off middle-aged men. And he never will.

Nathan's fingers tightened in Sam's hair as Sam swallowed around him. The feeling of Sam's tongue on his cock as he rocked his head slightly sent Nathan into instant bliss.

Sam hollowed his cheeks slightly and worked his tongue more around Nathan's member. It was sloppy work but Nate seemed to like it.

"Sam, Sam I'm-" Nathan said breathlessly, the sound of his name being moaned by Nathan could make him come right there but he pulled off and was met by a half-hearted angry face, "sorry," Sam said kissing Nathan. He sat up and looked around, "there any uh," he paused and made a motion with his hand that looked like he was milking a goat. Nathan laughed.

"No, but I think there is lotion in the bathroom," Nathan couldn't tell if he was going to regret fucking Sam in the morning but right then he was too drunk to care.

Sam got up and walked to the bathroom quickly grabbing the small travel bottle of unopened lotion that looked to smell like lavender. Sam ripped off the seal with his teeth and went back to his spot between Nathan's legs, this time he was more kneeling so he could see his brother's face as he fingered him.

Sam wondered if this was Nathan's first time with a man. He doesn't think so, Nathan had told him about someone he worked with named Harry but didn't get into the details saying the memory hurt too much. Sam didn't push.

Sam opened the bottle and smelled it, if that were edible he would definitely have eaten it. He poured some of the cold substance onto the tips of his middle and forefinger.

"You alright?" Sam asked and Nathan instantly nodded.

Sam circled Nathan's hole before pushing in. Nathan was tight around his finger but he slowly pulled out and pushed back in watching Nathan's face for any discomfort. After a moment he pushed in another and curled them slightly pushing in and out. Nathan's cheeks were flushed and the Red ran down his face to his neck and torso as if it were melting.

Sam wanted to fuck him right there, Nathan's mouth slightly open as he tries to suppress moans, but he didn't want to hurt Nathan. Never again.

He scissored fingers slightly and with his free hand, he moved it over Nathan's torso, fingers brushing over his hard nipples and one of his healing scars. Most likely caused by Rafe.

Sam's unpleasant memories were cut off by a moan escaping Nathan's lips. Sam leaned down and kissed him still letting his fingers fuck Nate.

"Sam, Sam," Nathan moaned out when Sam's fingers brushed over his prostate, "Sam please," Nathan breathlessly spoke leaning up to kiss Sam.

Sam pulled away and enjoyed it when Nathan chased his lips. Sam removed his fingers and smiled when Nathan whimpered at the loss.

Sam pulled down his own pants moaning when his own cock was finally free. He discarded his pants and grabbed the lotion pouring some into his hand before applying it onto his member. He hissed at the cold substance before he pulled his hand away from himself.

Sam's hands found their way to Nathan's sides, "are you sure? We can always stop and pretend this never happened," Sam knew they had gone passed the point of return but he still offered the way out.

Nathan smiled, "I am sure," Nathan said pulling Sam down by the back of his neck, "I want you to fuck me."

The words made Sam shiver but he nodded kissing Nathan deep, he still tasted of beer but now he tasted of lust.

Sam pulled away just enough to line himself up, the tip of his cock pushed at Nathan's hole teasing him. Sam pushed in watching the stars that formed in Nathan's eyes.

Once he bottomed out he searched Nate's face for any form of discomfort, when he didn't see any he pulled out slightly and pushed in at a consistent slow pace. Nathan was biting his lip trying not to make any noise but Sam leaned forward and kissed him, "I wanna hear you, please?"

Nathan nodded and let the soft lust-filled gasps escape his lips as Sam rolled his hips. Sam slowly picked up the pace and soon he and Nathan were in sync, Sam wasn't fucking him hard, he didn't want to hurt Nathan, even the hands-on his hips were soft and not hard.

Nathan was moaning profanities holding onto Sam's neck. "P-please," he pleaded pulling Sam down for a kiss, Sam bowed his head into the crook of Nathan's neck sucking a red mark as his pace quickened and he was fucking Nathan harder. Not as hard as he wanted but hard.

Nathan's hands went to Sam's back, they didn't scratch although Sam could tell he wanted to. "S-sam I'm gonna, I'm gonna," Nathan breathed out, he stopped Sam's hand from jerking him off, he wanted to come without Sam's hands on his member.

Sam's pace became even more erratic and Nathan could hear his moans in his ear. Each thrust hit Nathan's prostate just right making him see stars each time. Nathan came with Sam's name on his lips, Sam continued to fuck into him overstimulating Nathan.

Sam came deep inside Nathan and rolled his hips through his orgasm kissing at Nathan's jaw. Sam collapsed on top of him not wanting to pull out. He's wanted this for so long.

Sam finally pulled out and watched as his come leaked out of Nathan. He flopped next to his brother, "do you regret it?" he couldn't stop himself from asking.

Nathan looked over at him still panting slightly, "no," he paused, "do you?"

Sam smiled, "not in a million years."

Nathan reached down for his shirt and wiped himself before throwing it back down. Sam pulled him farther up the bed and gathered Nathan in his arms slowly pulling the blankets over them.

"I'm sorry I, I should have pulled out, sorry," Sam said, thumb rubbing circles into Nathan's skin. Nate's head laid on his chest, fingers circling the scars on Sam's stomach.

"I'm not," Nathan replied shyly.

Sam felt warm and fuzzy as he kissed the top of Nate's head. Maybe it was okay he loved Nathan too much.

**Author's Note:**

> hhh i just want them to :)
> 
> anyway lmk if i should do a part 2
> 
> longest fic i think ive ever written 
> 
> ok thanks


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